Children are not a requirement or a duty, but a great blessing from God himself on those whom He chooses to give one child or many children. These days many young people contemplate what they want to do with their future, knowing that many of their choices will be permanent in this life and have serious implications in the next, now more than ever with much uncertainty considering the state the world is currently in.
Bringing a child into this world is a big deal, and one that should be done with careful consideration to all factors that will come into play throughout this child’s life. It’s also important to remember that just because you don’t want to have children now or the near future (for whatever reason it may be) it doesn’t mean that you will always think this way. We all mature at different rates and experience and perceive things differently at different times in our lives. It’s okay if you don’t want kids right now or aren’t ready for them. God promised that there is a proper time and place for everything. Right now may simply not be the time that God has chosen to give you this blessing, if this is the blessing that He has chosen for you.
So why am I childless? That is a question many people, both young and old, who want children ask themselves. Many who want children are either barren or otherwise unable to have children and God only knows the reasons why this is. One way to be content with whatever comes your way is by having good expectations of God. If God made things happen, then know that they are good for you. You may not know, but God does all he does because He loves you more than you can ever know and whatever He gives you or withholds from you if for your best interest, even if you don’t currently see it this way.
If you are barren or childless, consider the following:
- God gives certain blessings to certain people, and other blessings to other people. A child may not be the blessing that is destined for you
- Having children isn’t what makes a marriage successful of a life enjoyable, God does that, and it may be through other means than children
- Just because you can’t or don’t have a child right now doesn’t mean you’ll be stuck this way forever
- Just because you don’t have a biological child or can’t have doesn’t mean that there won’t be a very special child in your life. Consider what I previously said about being socially conscience when it comes to kids
- Maybe you and your spouse are not “mommy material” and “daddy material.” Even if you believe you are (or are not), ultimately God is the only one who truly knows because He is All-Wise and All-Knowing. God will not give you a child as a burden instead of a blessing
- Maybe having a child will be a bad distraction for you, maybe it’ll distract you from God and other plans He has for you
- God wants to choose you for Himself. What I mean by this is that often times our hearts are filled more love for people and things instead of God and in this sense, a child would not be a blessing if he or she kept you from the One who gave you that precious gift to begin with!
By not granting you kids, God does not want you to waste your emotions over kids. Instead, God wants you to love Him and trust Him more than anything else. He wants to empty your heart from all other types of love which shackle you and make you weak. He does not want anything in your path to distract you from Him and the plans He has for you. He wants to you focus on the greater purpose of your creation. I cannot stress enough that your purpose in being created was not merely to create other humans.
While it is undoubtedly very emotionally (and possibly socially) painful to want to have a child but not being able to, remember that God doesn’t burden a soul beyond what it can handle. God created you for a very specific purpose and God is the only one who should give you purpose and fulfillment in your life, not your kids or your spouse or your money or anything else. If God has withheld any of these things for you, it is for the greater good because God is good, even if what is best may also be painful.
Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity. It will have [the consequence of] what [good] it has gained, and it will bear [the consequence of] what [evil] it has earned. “Our Lord, do not impose blame upon us if we have forgotten or erred. Our Lord, and lay not upon us a burden like that which You laid upon those before us. Our Lord, and burden us not with that which we have no ability to bear. And pardon us; and forgive us; and have mercy upon us. You are our protector, so give us victory over the disbelieving people.”
—Al Baqarah 2:286
While children are most certainly a blessing and a Muslim is encouraged to get married and have a family for obvious purposes, it’s not God’s plan for everyone. We have all been created differently to serve a different purpose in His divine plan and in whatever we choose to do, we should always use wisdom and discernment and most importantly, seek guidance from God in these matters.