Posted in Books & Stories

Lost Thoughts — Volume One: All She Wrote

I knew it had to be today. I never wanted to part ways like this. Evelyn and I were never really close but having to see her drive away was a very hard thing to go through. I hadn’t known her for long and sincerely didn’t like her all that much but she was a nice girl and I would miss her. We had ended on bad terms the last time we spoke, four days ago. She was a nice girl but I couldn’t ever get along with anybody. I had a hard time living with myself. I had avoided Evelyn at all costs up until this morning.  I would have felt extremely bad not saying goodbye to her. Even if he had a small brush I still didn’t want us to be on permanent bad terms. She had always been nice to me and she didn’t deserve to be treated like an animal by me.

I trailed behind Eve and the others to the bus waiting outside. I didn’t have the guts to walk next to them. I would probably break down crying if I did. I swallow my saliva and take a deep breath. I walked down the stairs to the lobby and put my hands in my pockets. I looked down as I walked into the blowing snow without a coat. I didn’t feel the cold. I keep my distance as one by one they board the bus. None of them really wanted to get on, especially Eve. I could see her looking at me from the corner of her eye. I didn’t want to look at her. I couldn’t. I watched them one by one board the bus looking back at us with tears in their eyes. Vivian was crying beside me to see Elka leave. I almost felt like doing the same.

Evelyn was one of the last to board the bus and just before she did I approached the door. Our gazes were locked and there was no escape.

“I’ll see you again someday.” I whisper.

“Yes.” She whispers giving me a little hug.

She boards the bus and I walk out of its path and back to where Vivian and I were standing not too long ago. I really wanted to cry now. I think many of us did. We all stared at the bus through our tears. None of us wanted to part ways. It was still too soon. The bus started its engine and made sure all passengers were on board. As the bus started rolling away everyone waved at each other but I turned around so my back would face the bus. I didn’t want to see this. I’m sure Eve was waving and hoping that I would look back but I didn’t. I start walking towards the entrance of the building and feel a small piece of paper fly by my head and land in the snow right in front of my feet.

Every time I see a sunset, I wish you were here.

These few short days have gone by so fast, where did that time go?

I cannot stop thinking about the times we’ve spent together, and oh, it’s  been so long. Where did you go? Where did I go? I lost my head in a whole and I’ve lost my heart and my soul. There is not a single day that goes by without me thinking of the good times we’ve had, and then again I’m here alone. Where did I go wrong? How did I get here?

All I’ve ever wanted was a place to call my home and to amend the hearts of everyone who feels alone. So I lie down and look up at the sky. If I could fly, like the angels do, I’d be long gone out of here looking back at you. You’re still with me in my dreams. In my dreams, you’re still right here. Right here sitting next to me on a rooftop. The night sky over the city is unlike anything I’ve ever seen. Do you remember that night? I wish it could’ve lasted forever. And now the wind blows cold.

Now I’m sitting here alone, the wind blowing through my hair and only the overcast skies watching over me. Such powerful energy washes over me when I think of you. Where are you? I breathe in the cold air. Summer is almost gone. With every breeze that goes by, I wish I could fly. I wish I could go up there and touch the clouds. I want to hug them like you hugged me. I close my eyes and I drift away. Up here Earth is a mystery. There is nothing for us to worry. You’re right here with me again, right where we began. The angels lift me, are you ready?

With ever drop that starts to fall down, my being begins to shatter. I don’t want the rain to stop falling down. I want it to wash away the pain to where it can’t be found. With every gust of wind, I’m flying. You’re holding my hand as we fly over the city. The only thing we can see are the city lights and the airplanes that are like shooting stars in the night sky. I’ve never seen such beauty. You’re the most beautiful individual I’ve ever seen. This could be the night, the night to remember.

With another gust of wind, I suddenly come back to reality.

I’ll see you in my dreams.

Maybe our perceptions of each other had been wrong all along but it didn’t really change a thing because she was gone.

And that was all that she wrote for me.


Liberal Muslim, social justice and human rights activist, cat lover, author and fellow human.

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