Posted in Islam & Interfaith Subjects, Social Issues & Politics

The Hypocrisy of Islamophobia

Not pleasant topics by any means, but certainly important ones, and that’s what we’ll be talking about today. But mostly hypocrisy. I’m going to tell you a story of something that happened a couple of days ago…

So, I was browsing my Twitter feed the same way I usually do almost every day and came across an older tweet about human rights (the Women’s March, I believe) and began reading the discussion going on. The rest is of the backstory irrelevant, I came across some hateful Islamophobic tweets by an account belonging to Mindy Gray so I clicked on her page to report the discrimination and move on to the rest of the thread when I got quite the surprise.

It turns out that this person does social work, much of the same kind that I care about too! I was appalled that in one tweet Mindy preaches the love and compassion of Jesus Christ and then turns around and posts the things that I’ve taken screenshots of below! (Click on them to see the entire thing.) Please tell me where in the world Jesus gave you an idea like this one! What I’d really like to ask her is what would you do if you picked up a Muslim in that hope coach vehicle? Which Mindy would they get? The one who loves Jesus or the one who hates Muslims? Because these two vastly different people cannot be the same one, right? Hypocrisy is something I will never understand.

After reporting to Twitter, I also wrote to the real Phoenix Rescue Mission that she is said to work at, or at least volunteer for. Why? Because there’s no way that I believe that the PRM is an Islamophobic organization that preaches hate. If one of them employees or ambassadors or whatever else you want to call it preaches hate under the name of their compassion and legitimate and important message then they should know about it. People like her make their work look bad or seem illegitimate. Hypocrites like her sadly reflect on organizations like PRM the same way that Donald Trump makes conservatives look like Nazis. I wouldn’t want somebody doing bad in the good name of my organization, would you?

It’s no different that those police officers who were fired because they are members of the KKK. Law enforcement officers are supposed to serve and protect with equality and justice. Here it might be on a much lesser scale but the denominator is the same. Big or small, this kind of stuff smears the good name of good organizations. PRM responded saying that Mindy never worked for them, yet I found this on their Facebook page, but what the hell. It’s not up to me anymore.


Whatever they do (or not do) now is not up to me, but I can only hope that at some point somebody will stand up and do something instead of passively endorsing discrimination and prejudice. Twitter has policies against this and it’s the responsibility of every individual who wishes to enjoy this community to honor them. I’m not saying that you should go out and be the moral police — that won’t get you many friends nor is it your job to begin with — what I am saying is that if you stumble across something that violates the clear policies like I did during your daily activities for God’s sake report it! They have a button for that, make use of it! The community guidelines weren’t put there for nothing! Read more about Twitter’s policies here and here but to sum it up:

Freedom of expression means little if voices are silenced because people are afraid to speak up. We do not tolerate behavior that harasses, intimidates, or uses fear to silence another person’s voice. If you see something on Twitter that violates these rules, please report it to us.

You don’t even have to engage with the other person, but if you do make sure that’s it’s by saying something respectful and constructive and not emulating their own behavior. Proving them wrong isn’t your job either, but by being part of a certain community it is your social obligation to honor their terms of service to create a good social atmosphere for all to enjoy the same way you do. If you stand by and do nothing you are as much of the problem as the person spreading the hate. Treat others the way you want to be treated, why is that so hard to understand?

I would be one hell of a hypocrite, equally a hypocrite as the person in question, if I went around preaching human rights and then silently standing by as my own people are victimized. I don’t go out looking for trouble or drama, but I am a responsible citizen and Twitter user who will take a stand when needed. I’m not going to uselessly argue or get emotional with people like this (that generally doesn’t amount to much) but I won’t stand by the heartache of the ummah either. We need to pick our battles and act appropriately and accordingly, and the moral of this story is social responsibility. When I think of social responsibility the first thing I think about is the following poem.


It’s also important to bring up the issue that there is a big difference between criticism (or difference of opinion) and discrimination. There’s always going to be somebody who doesn’t agree with you or who gets angry about an alternate point of view but this is completely different than targeting a group or individual to harass them, put them down or entice prejudice against them. We can all share different viewpoints while remaining respectful and engaging positively. That’s also something that I hope will be taken from this story.

Lastly, why did I not blot out names you ask? This person is not a minor. This person knows what they are doing and they chose to post this kind of stuff publicly under their own identity. You choose the behavior, you choose the consequences. These were not isolated incidents of a lapse in judgement or in a limited context. These posts happened time and time again over a period of time and promoted the fear and hatred of Muslims. This is not a smear campaign nor does anything in this post promote hatred or harassment of the person in question or anyone else. I know it’s tempting to launch an Antifa-style social media smear campaign — and it’s not like I don’t often think about it when I see vile things in my feed — but it won’t accomplish much.

I won’t collect and publicly shame hypocrites or Islamophobes here either (nor do I encourage anyone to do so), however I chose to use this incident as a cautionary tale and to bring up important matters that too often get swept under the rug.

Posted in Islam & Interfaith Subjects, News & Relevant Topics, Personal & Opinion, Social Issues & Politics

Nobody’s Asking

Are you tired of hearing me say that I hate the modern practice of the death penalty because it’s now used to reap nothing than injustice, the exact opposite of what it was supposed to serve? Well, I’m not done. There’s just one more rant I want to post before I close this chapter for good.


“But it’s changing the Sharia law!”

I can’t tell you how much I hate hearing those words. People, the word Sharia does not mean penal code. Yes, aspects of justice and the penal code do fall in with the concept of Sharia but you cannot confound Islamic law, the moral code Muslims are called to live by, and the laws of your country enforced by the government. If you look at Wikipedia written in Simple English (apparently people are too stupid to understand regular English) you’ll see that “Sharia” isn’t a penal code set in stone. Very few aspects of it are set in stone in the Quran. I prefer to call the penal code part of it a principle of law instead since Islamic values such as equality and justice are set in stone, but social issues change from culture to culture, nation to nation, year to year and thinking that 7th century customs could solve modern issues is just insane. On the other hand, God’s timeless principles present throughout revelation can, but only if we can find a way to apply them properly under specific circumstances.


Let there be no question that Islam allows (that is allows, not mandates) the death penalty for certain crimes, it’s an ancient prescription that has been around since the beginning of time, but where people go wrong is that they justify its modern practice by saying “well, it’s in the books.” Yeah it’s in the books, just the Word of God is more than just ink on a page isn’t it? People also think that the justice system today is the same as it was in the 7th century but that could not be more erroneous. So what was the death penalty for back then exactly? Primarily a deterrent, and used really only as a last resort to keep the community safe and free from crime. Today the statistics prove that it’s not a deterrent (the exact opposite actually) and we have very safe and advanced, albeit far from perfect, criminal justice and rehabilitation programs. In a nutshell, the death penalty was prescribed to uphold justice, but in modern society it does nothing but reap injustice.

Take a look at the death penalty in Islam page on I don’t believe that apostasy is punishable by death in Islam but that’s another story, but you’ll see that the death penalty was reserved for very serious offenses and not taken lightly at all. I must add that Sheikh Ahmad Ash-Sharabasi’s comments were laughable though. How is the modern death penalty self-defense? That’s completely beside the point. Sure, the ancient death penalty served to destroy the threat but do you think that the American terrorists in Supermax are still a threat? Self-defense isn’t even an issue. It’s misguided and erroneous. On the other hand, let’s take a look at what we do with the death penalty in modern society. Firstly, take what Rabia Terri Harris had to say:

An Islamic opposition to the death penalty must begin by acknowledging that the Qur’an may clearly be read as giving special exemption (from the general prohibition on killing) to the taking of a murderer’s life…

Those who favor the death penalty therefore cannot be considered as beyond the pale: we must accept the faithfulness and validity of their opinion…

[T]he responsibility of a Muslim is justice. Will the killing of a murderer produce justice…

[W]e can measure whether it does or not by examining the state of public trust. In the US, the following facts have been established…Nearly 90% of persons executed for murder were convicted of killing whites, although people of color make up over half of all homicide victims nationally…[and] 90% of the people US government prosecutors currently seek to execute are black or Latino…

There is no justice here. No needs are met, no fear is alleviated. This idea does not work. The hallmark of truth is that it works…

It is a far more serious error of Islamic ethics to demand a human death in circumstances when there are doubts about guilt or innocence, where the bereaved are not consulted about their wishes, and when the penalty is selectively applied based on the pernicious fantasy that some lives have more value than others.

Islamic law, and Islamic taqwa, demand that we dissent from such a travesty of justice.

Nobody’s telling you that the death penalty is not part of Islam, and nobody’s asking you to remove those verses from the book. What I am asking is that we stop allowing injustice in the name of “Sharia.” You run your mouth saying that Sharia upholds justice but congratulations, your beloved Sharia law has turned into an oxymoron because the exact opposite is all it’s accomplishing! Tariq Ramadan also echoes this sentiment:

[W]e launch today a call for an immediate international moratorium on corporal punishment, stoning and the death penalty in all Muslim majority countries. Considering that the opinions of most scholars, regarding the comprehension of the texts and the application of hudud, are neither explicit nor unanimous (indeed there is not even a clear majority), and bearing in mind that political systems and the state of the majority Muslim societies do not guarantee a just and equal treatment of individuals before the law, it is our moral obligation and religious responsibility to demand for the immediate suspension of the application of the hudud which is inaccurately accepted as an application of ‘Islamic sharia’.

Dr. Khaled Abou El Fadl also wrote that you’d basically have to be God himself to properly carry out a sentence of the death penalty. Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan had this to say about the position of contemporary Judaism about capital punishment, which I believes echoes the sentiments of contemporary Islam in the face of the issues surrounding the modern death penalty:

In practice, however, these punishments were almost never invoked, and existed mainly as a deterrent and to indicate the seriousness of the sins for which they were prescribed. The rules of evidence and other safeguards that the Torah provides to protect the accused made it all but impossible to actually invoke these penalties… the system of judicial punishments could become brutal and barbaric unless administered in an atmosphere of the highest morality and piety. When these standards declined among the Jewish people, the Sanhedrin… voluntarily abolished this system of penalties.

We are closer to Andromeda than we are to a fair and equitable justice system. I don’t believe that reform will do it because peoples’ standards only keep declining, serving their own interests and disregarding the rest. How many times have I heard of dirty cops, corrupt law enforcement officials, cover ups, set ups, and downright gross injustice. So do we stop the oppressor from committing oppression? By removing the means of oppression, a.k.a. the death penalty.

When you sentence someone to life in prison it’s a very harsh sentence of reconciling with yourself looking at a concrete wall for every single day of your life but such a sentence can easily be overturned, after all the person is still alive and can still speak for themselves. On the other hand an execution is permanent and you can’t take it back. As I’ve written about in my previous published articles about this issue An Argument Against Capital Punishment (Part 1 of 2) and An Argument Against Capital Punishment (Part 2 of 2) among others, there is a scary amount of innocent people awaiting execution. And then we execute them in inhumane ways. Even if you wholeheartedly still believe in capital punishment after everything, you must also agree that there is no executing people in inhumane manners. That is not Islamic.


Lastly, I want you to contemplate a couple of things before everybody loses their minds over this…

Is the modern practice of capital punishment faithful to the text? Not even close! Consider this next time you go on blabbing about that “it’s scripture” or that you care about human rights. The two must go together.

Posted in Everything Else, Islam & Interfaith Subjects, News & Relevant Topics, Personal & Opinion, Social Issues & Politics, The World Wars

LiveJournal: Today | June 14th 2017

This is an old post from my LiveJournal account that I’ve recently cleaned up but didn’t want to completely get rid of everything and I’m glad that I’ve preserved my about half dozen entries or so because this is a very important one. Anti-Semitism (and racism and discrimination in general) is rampant and never seems to go away. Did you look at CNN or any other American news outlet recently? The entire country is going crazy. Up here in Canada it’s not nearly as bad, but we certainly aren’t free from the monster. In the near future I want to continue posting about this topic because I can’t just sit here and do nothing anymore, despite that I’ve never felt so powerless in my life before.

Date originally posted: June 14th 2017 (7:23 p.m.)

Mood: anxious

Not much to add today, just my roommates driving me crazy for the millionth time. The more this goes on the more I want to live alone. Of course many things need to happen in order for that to happen before I’m able to do that, but I might just get that process started. I think it would do me some good to get away from all of this. Of course there are many advantages to having a roommate or two, the biggest one being that things like rent are far less expensive. When they were all gone a few weeks ago I stayed home alone with my cat just watching TV and it got really lonely after the first week, but it was nice to just unwind after so much tension everywhere. I usually don’t go far or do much, but the two of them bring a lot of drama home and unfortunately I can’t exactly escape. We all share the same apartment.

Otherwise tomorrow it’s my birthday. At last! I was really getting hungry for my cake and other junk food today. I wasn’t sure I wanted one this year because my mind is elsewhere but I ended up deciding to invite some people over and just take the day to relax and regroup. I’m no fan of conventional birthday parties, I much prefer a relaxing day spent in good company and thinking about things than matter than going crazy. I might wanna go to the park and read the Quran or something, that is if the weather holds up for an outdoor adventure. I haven’t checked the weather forecast yet today but most of the time it’s not accurate in this region. Things change way too fast and the best way to determine the weather is to look outside the window.

I finally got back to going on WordPress and Tumblr regularly after not really being there for a while and only posting a few minor things. I changed most of my names (not username, just public name) on my social media to 42375 which is the number I picked for my tattoo, which was my grandpa’s service number during WWII. Honestly it makes me sad to see all the rampant anti-Semitism all over the place, from right here down the street to governments and institutions spreading it around across a good chunk of the Middle East. It’s truly unfortunate that many Muslims are systematically taught to hate Jews despite that the two communities have lived in peace for over a thousand years until just very recently the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Personally, I believe in a two-state solution. Each person and each nation has the right to be itself and to live in peace. Peace, isn’t that what we all want?

After all of these years there’s no way to have peace if you give the whole land to only one side. The other will rise up and cause another conflict because there has been way too much meddling from all sides including the outside for this to ever end peacefully because each person believes that the place is rightfully theirs (I won’t get into that right now) and unless there’s a compromise with each side getting something equal, tensions are only going to rise more and more. You cannot blame the entire Jewish population for what an oppressive regime is doing and you can’t blame the entire Muslim population for what a few radical Palestinians are doing either. Everything about this situation seems to have been tainted by everybody meddling in it without ever bringing about a resolution.

I hate it how Islam is often portrayed as being some anti-Semitic cult because of that ongoing conflict. We are supposed to maintain good relations with Jews (and all others for that matter), not hate them or want them gone from the face of the Earth. Plenty of Muslims perished during the Holocaust too, as well as Polish and Slavic people, homosexuals, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Gypsies, communists and endless others despite that the number of Jews was much greater than any of the other “unwanted minorities.” We also forget the stories of the Muslims who saved Jews during the Holocaust, the most famous stories being the ones of the Albanian Muslims. Muslim-majority Albania was the only European country that had more Jews after the war ended than before it started.

Have we forgotten about all the imams (not to mention countless other individual Muslims) who visited Auschwitz on more than one occasion? The photo below is from a trip in 2013 and there was another one in 2010. Undoubtedly in moments of anger we’ve all wanted to figuratively send someone to Auschwitz, but emotional reactions during a conflict are completely different than the horrors that actually happend there and all the other camps like it. If I can take any lesson from this it’s that we must stop making issues and conflicts all about ourselves and instead focus on humanity, because the world needs a whole lot more of that right now.


Muslim leaders from across the globe paid tribute Holocaust victims this week during a visit to Auschwitz, the former Nazi concentration camp, where they prayed at the Wall of Death for those who were killed by genocide and suffered under violent anti-Semitism.

The imams, who hailed from Saudi Arabia, Jordan, Bosnia, Palestine, Indonesia, Nigeria, Turkey and the United States, performed Islamic prayers while facing Mecca as part of a Holocaust awareness visit organized in part by the International Religious Freedom office of the U.S. State Department.

“What can you say? You’re speechless. What you have seen is beyond human imagination,” Imam Mohamed Magid, President of the U.S.-based Islamic Society of North America, told Agence France-Presse.

“Whether in Europe today or in the Muslim world, my call to humanity: End racism for God’s sake, end anti-Semitism for God’s sake, end Islamophobia for God’s sake, end sexism for God’s sake… Enough is enough,” said Magid, who leads the All Dulles Area Muslim Society in Northern Virginia.

Posted in Islam & Interfaith Subjects, Social Issues & Politics

My Fellow Muslims, We Must Fight Anti-Semitism

This is not a new post (in fact it’s from 2002) but it’s still relevant in the rise of hate crimes all across North America and Europe against minorities of many kinds, including Muslims and Jews. Unfortunately in Canada Jews and Black people are the most frequent victims of these hate crimes. While much is said about racism, so few people (both Muslims and not) are willing to tackle the issue of rampant antisemitism. Antisemitism is wrong and we must unite against it.

Posted in Français, Islam & Interfaith Subjects, News & Relevant Topics, Social Issues & Politics

Tuée par son père parce qu’elle fréquentait un musulman

Voilà, les islamophobes! Les musulmans ne sont pas les seuls coupables de crimes d’honneur. Ceci est un chrétien en Israël qui a assassiné sa fille parce qu’elle fréquentait un musulman. Les crimes d’honneur sont interdits en islam. C’est une pratique culturelle barbare qui doit s’arrêter indépendamment de la foi ou de la nationalité.
Posted in Everything Else, Islam & Interfaith Subjects, News & Relevant Topics, Social Issues & Politics

It’s For You To Know That You Forgive

I’ve posted about forgiveness across different religions and traditions many times before but after seeing this story while researching the Holocaust for a book, I felt compelled to share it. The Scriptures have commanded us to forgive since the beginning of Judaism and science backs up the benefits of forgiveness on a person’s health and well being too. Now read this story for yourself and be inspired ❤

Posted in Islam & Interfaith Subjects, Personal & Opinion, Social Issues & Politics

If You’re Husband Isn’t Muslim…

When I browse Islamic websites seeking various opinions from different schools about something in particular I always come across the very same issue: what happens if a woman converts to Islam but her husband doesn’t? So many people are quick to say that she must divorce him on the spot, seemingly without consideration for anything else.

Personally, if I was a man and my wife left me like that you could be certain I would want nothing to do with Islam because it cost me my family, my everything. I find such to be absolutely insane because the Quran places such a high importance on family, marriage and a strong foundation for society. Destroying it like that doesn’t make sense to me, quite frankly I think it’s un-Islamic, and I am far from the only person who shares this opinion.


This was originally posted on the Facebook page for The Conscious Muslim and shared two years ago in July 2015 and shared on Tumblr. This isn’t about whether or not a Muslim woman is allowed to many a non-Muslim man (Jew or Christian) because that’s a separate issue, but I previously posted about a woman staying with her non-Muslim husband after her conversion also upholding Shaykh Hamza’s point of view. It may be a minority view for the moment but with valid and sound evidence to back it up.

I also wanted to share some of the comments on the Unity1 WordPress site that I feel are pertinent to this discussion, but I encourage my readers to read all of them on the original post.

Think about the fact, that if we divorce because of my (possible) conversion to Islam, there will be at least 30 people who will never even consider Islam as a true religion after that. That includes my husband and children, our parents and siblings and nephews.
The only reason for that I haven´t converted yet is the question of marriage here. I am happily married and we love each other. I see my family as potential converts.

But, maybe it´s better to stay as a christian then and still believe in one God. It can´t be right to hurt so many innocent people including my own children.

And even if I would convert, I couldn´t do it openly or visit the mosque because of other muslims would laugh me out because of my (so far) non-muslim family (and the family is a blessing for me, nothing to laugh at).

If I was young I would convert and marry a practising muslim, of course. It seems to be that I and many other women have lost “everything” by living our own lives… and God did know that it would go like this.

If I have to choose between being a muslim or a mother, I choose to be a mother. And wish that my children will later choose the right path – in time!

(Posted by Lina)

Here is also a question by Adele in the comments:

Maybe can help me?
I am married. Have 2 kids (10 and 13 years old). 3 years before i convert to Islam. Husband does not prevent me from practicing my faith, can i stay with him or must divorce?

To which the author of the site responded:

As the fatwas in the above article state, you are perfectly entitled to stay with him and enjoy a full, happy married life. There is no reason or need whatsoever to even think about divorce. May God bless you all!

Whether you agree or disagree with the opinions of various scholars cited here, this is definitely not going to be a topic that disappears in the near future with more people than ever embracing Islam in the West and in other nations around the world which are not Muslim-majority countries.


Posted in Everything Else, Islam & Interfaith Subjects, Personal & Opinion, Social Issues & Politics

Some Things I Wanted To Share (Part 3 of 3)

I also wanted to add this one but for some reason it would only say ‘error’ when I tried to add it. I hope that these little things have enlightened you, or at least reminded you of important things that many Muslims seem to have forgotten.

Posted in Everything Else, Islam & Interfaith Subjects, Personal & Opinion, Social Issues & Politics

Some Things I Wanted To Share (Part 2 of 3)

Posted in Islam & Interfaith Subjects, Personal & Opinion, Social Issues & Politics

Why Can’t We Be Friends?

We sure can! In addition to my lengthy previous rant about the apparent “ban” on cross-gender interactions of friendships that has not actual basis in the Quran or Hadith because at the time of Muhammad (peace be upon him) both genders interacted all the time, I wanted to add some science to the mix that I only looked at after posting my rants. I never implied that all interactions with the opposite sex will be easy, much like same-sex relationships, some will fail and some will flourish. But science does say that they are beneficial for both people despite some challenges!

Across the internet you’ll find plenty of posts saying that men and women can’t be “just friends” yet they provide no actual scientific proof to back up these claims. Well, I have some for you. This is from Psychology Today, click on the link below to access the web article. I find it hard to argue with science! 🙂

The vast majority, 83% in fact, of people do believe that a friendship can be purely platonic. And like I’ve said before, it’s helpful to tell the person right off the bat that you want nothing more than a platonic friendship. If you or the other person cannot respect this, then it’s time to move on. Also like I’ve said before, maintain the bounds of modesty and if you fear sin then abstain. That in no way means that all interactions between the opposite sex are forbidden. You must use your judgement and wisdom and decide for yourself if you can be humane with the opposite gender or if you can only be an animal. Nobody can tell you that except you. If you don’t like cross-gender friendships stay out of them, but don’t come and break down mine.

It’s not true that everyone will automatically fall for their platonic friend at some point It’s equally not true that men are nothing but uncontrollable sex machines and that women are apparently to blame for that. The cold hard truth is that women are forced into closets not to “sinfully entice” men who on the other hand rarely ever do much to control themselves. All of this comes down to erroneous, legalistic, patriarchal and outdated rules that the two genders can’t cross paths with each other in even the most innocent and beneficial of ways when scientifically cross-gender friendships have plenty of benefits (and the key here is moderation and balance: you should have both same-sex and opposite-sex friends, not just one or the other) and in the Quran men and women are allies of each other who were never prohibited from interacting.

“And when he went towards (the land of) Madyan, he said: “It may be that my Lord guides me to the Right Way.” And when he arrived at the water of Madyan he found there a group of men watering (their flocks), and besides them he found two women who were keeping back (their flocks). He said: “What is the matter with you?” They said: “We cannot water (our flocks) until the shepherds take (their flocks). And our father is a very old man.” So he watered (their flocks) for them, then he turned back to shade, and said: “My Lord! Truly, I am in need of whatever good that You bestow on me!” Then there came to him one of the two women, walking shyly. She said: “Verily, my father calls you that he may reward you for having watered (our flocks) for us.” (Qur’an, 28:22-25)
What can be deduct from this cross-gender interaction?
  • It was modest
  • It wasn’t sinful
  • People lowered their gaze
  • There was no flirting
  • There is no mention of them automatically turning into animals around each other

In Islam, contrary to other religions doesn’t teach that sex or attraction is evil. In fact Muhammad was very open about sex and both men and women could come to him for knowledge and advice. Read the article below:

One thing that jumped out at me was this passage from the article:

For us as Muslims, sexual desire in and of itself is never associated with evil; it is only the misuse and abuse of such desire that is evil.

Shouldn’t confining women to closets and denying their own desires or banning them completely from everyday dealings with men be considered misuse and abuse? Right now Muslim scholars backwardly think like this:

  • If I’m attracted to the man it’s my fault
  • If a man is attracted to me it’s my fault
  • If I sin out of temptation it’s my fault
  • If a man sins out of temptation it’s my fault

Instead of fostering (whether silently or explicitly) a culture of coldness, the mentality of “the other” and a lack of accountability or control, how about we begin working together to stop the idea that one gender is an animal and the other is their toy and to put an end to gender-based violence, discrimination, inequality and stigma as allies. This isn’t a “man’s problem” or a “woman’s problem” it’s a humanity problem. I can bet that God looks down on us with sadness at what we’ve turned religion and sexuality into when God made men and women complimentary to each other, not enemies of each other.